What I Want

To have time to really think about what you want should be easy
But the reality of it makes it just a little bit unpleasing
Because the thought of what you want reminds you of what you don’t have
It takes you back to your dreams because there is the only place where you can grab
WHAT YOU WANT
What brings upon this desire?
Is it for status?
To fill a void!
Is it because of what you see others with?
Is it just because?
What is it?
Well this is what I want
I want to be more than just an option, backup……PLAN B
I want to be as goofy as I want to be and she still can stand me
I want to walk in love instead of falling in it
I want a relationship we can build together instead of having her friends all up in it
I want a significant other who will accept me for what I am and WHAT I WILL BECOME
I want to be like that Usher song “Bet she don’t know that I be checking her out when she be putting her heels on”
I want my finances to be at a point where I never have need
I want to support my family, my friends and my child that hasn’t even been conceived
I want a heart that’s pure and a mind that’s righteous, because right now those things are so hard for me
I want those things so that I never have to apologize and say I’m sorry
I want to take back the 1st 2 years of undergrad because I just didn’t do too well
But every time I went home my friends and family couldn’t tell
They thought OL Deonte was doing just swell
But what they didn’t know about were those nights were I was so LOST
I didn’t know at that time that I was paying a cost……For my FUTURE
Because what I gained in that season was far more valuable than any school, degree or TUTOR
I WANT WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT IT…..PERIOD
I want to take back all of the empty fornication that I have had
I want to take back the destroyed past I have with my dad
Just got to a place in my life where I can think of him and not be mad
I want to take back the time I paid $350.00 to revoke my chance at being a father
I want to erase that memory because to remember makes it even harder
I want the desire to not want ……ANYTHING
Because that’s what keeping me UN-HAP-PY
The desire to want HAS-HAD-ME
In Bondage
I want to not be consistent at being inconsistent
If only this was the case with my persistence
Maybe this itch for any want wouldn’t be in existence
I really don’t want any of those things you see
Because those things were meant to happen for the creation of me
You see it all happened the way HE intended them to be
SO I PAUSE…
And I start to think about what’s really important
How long can one go on being insubordinate?
Then I remembered all of the issues and troubles HE reeled me from
Which made me realize that all I really want is GOD’S WILL to be DONE.